Electro what?

I called the cardiologist the Monday after I went back into AFib. Wow you didn’t even stay in rhythm 48 hours. He recommended I see a cardiac electrophysiologist (yes he said wow.) He suggested one in his group and I set up an appointment several weeks out. I was going on a first anniversary Italy/Greek cruise with my love and decided not to focus on the AFib for a few weeks. I would see him when I returned.

The anniversary and trip were amazing. The AFib and medication meant I needed to nap more than I would like but our cabin was very quiet, comfortable and had an amazing view. We walked all over Italy and Greece tracking over 20 miles in one day. I felt ok, enjoyed some wine in moderation and put the AFib out of my mind for the most part.

Shortly after returning home I met the cardiac electrophysiologist, well initally with his resident. He was very cute and awkward. The resident was in his late 20’s tall, thin with an angular but pretty face. I would guess his family was from India. He had a nice voice and demeanor but stared at the floor while trying to recite my medical history from memory. I thought to myself he would get an A for memorization but a C for bedside manner. He quickly was demoted to a D or F when he asked if I understood that my testing showed heart failure. I said no I did not understand that. He explained that usually he doesn’t use that term because it “makes people nervous” but essentially that is what is happening to me.

Immediately I thought, “Has this guy even been practicing long enough to “usually” do or not do something? And if he usually doesn’t use that language, why the hell did he tell me? I asked when the doctor was coming. Perhaps sensing my dismay he bounded out of the room in search of the doctor. They returned about 5 minutes later. The doctor asked me about the night I went back into AFib. I explained that we had dinner with friends and I had one glass of wine (which was true). Up to that point I had been told to cut down on my drinking, not stop. He suggested that I stop it altogether and recommended that the next step was a cardiac ablation. The Doctor explained the whole process to me but it was kind of a blur. I was stuck on heart failure.

I also knew that there was NO way I was having any invasive procedure done at that hospital. I had a tremendous amount of anxiety having the cardioversion there as an outpatient. Some of you may recall that 3 years ago I had a spinal fusion. ( I know I’m a wreck) An anticipated 4 hour surgery took more than double that and I was in the hospital for several days. There were failures along that way that lead to a most miserable hospital experience and a painful and long recovery. I will share more about that experience and the fall out, that effects me still today in another post.

On my way to the office I started to cry. I was overwhelmed and for the moment didn’t have a next step, never mind a solution. I didn’t really understand the ablation procedure, the likelihood of success, if my heart was going to continue its decline or who was going to help me. It was a lot for me to absorb. I went to the office and didn’t talk about it. After work I went to my favorite bar, read one of the gay rags and drank too many martinis.